Two Weeks In
Dec. 15th, 2009 10:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
debboamerikI've been having nightmares nearly every night since we got back from Los Angeles. Sunday night's was awful and had me up every hour, and I decided that this could not go on. I called my friend A., whom I have known since high school, and told her all about it.
She said that my parents are toxic to me right now and that it's good that I've decided not to pay any attention to their communications. Somehow, this made me feel better enough about things (she knows my mother very well) that I was able to sleep last night and my dream was only vaguely disturbing rather than a full-blown nightmare.
I have not been doing well, and I feel that this is wrong of me, somehow. I feel that I ought to be feeling fine. Yes, I am in the realm of metafeeling - the feelings that I have are much sadder, angrier, and darker than the feelings that I feel I should have. Some part of me thinks this should be over already; it's been two weeks, after all. How long am I going to hold on to this?
I also feel that I should be using this moment in my life to help myself, to feel and act more free. Yet it is probably a bit early for that.
Two weeks should be long enough!
She said that my parents are toxic to me right now and that it's good that I've decided not to pay any attention to their communications. Somehow, this made me feel better enough about things (she knows my mother very well) that I was able to sleep last night and my dream was only vaguely disturbing rather than a full-blown nightmare.
I have not been doing well, and I feel that this is wrong of me, somehow. I feel that I ought to be feeling fine. Yes, I am in the realm of metafeeling - the feelings that I have are much sadder, angrier, and darker than the feelings that I feel I should have. Some part of me thinks this should be over already; it's been two weeks, after all. How long am I going to hold on to this?
I also feel that I should be using this moment in my life to help myself, to feel and act more free. Yet it is probably a bit early for that.
Two weeks should be long enough!
