debboamerik

I am back online at home, and am finding that, as usual, the world has managed to roll along without my spending every spare minute on the internet. It's a relief!

If anything much has happened to you in the past 3 weeks that I need to know about, please post it to comments... or post the link to your LJ.

My grandmother has broken her second hip. (She broke the first one in October.) What a year for the Grandma and Grandpa Snazzy! Grandpa had a birthday this month. It's strange to think of their being in their 80s. I always had the young, vital grandparents - but I guess I'm getting older, myself. When my mother was my age, I was 13 years old.

Otherwise, things are OK. I'm enjoying the prospect of fantasy baseball and really savoring Lent as it winds to its close. I need to look out for some volunteer opportunities and things to do with friends - I need to feel productive and build some self-confidence. Any recommendations of places I could volunteer would be appreciated... especially if I could work Monday afternoons or Saturdays.

In the words of today's Epistle reading, "The night is far gone; the day is at hand." Since there are many of you that I don't see regularly in person, I'd like to ask your forgiveness for all the wrongs I have done you and yours, large and small. For those of you who appreciate such things, I also offer you mine. "God forgives, and so do I," as we say at church. May this be a season of growth and renewal for each and every one of you, my friends.

This is really gorgeous weather, from a purely aesthetic perspective. Practically speaking, of course, it's caused a lot of trouble. Many areas of our complex have lost power (entirely coincidentally, I might add - the transformers blew - but rather unfairly, too, it seems). It's very cold outside, and those people have to stay in or risk some very bad roads to keep warm. I am worried about them. I hope the hypothermia van is also doing its job, even though the roads are so treacherous. The homeless suffer so very much in this sort of weather.

We went to CVS at about 11 this morning. The clerk there had been on the job since 11 the night before. He can't get home, and no one can get there to relieve him, and there is no way for him to get any sleep (or hot tea - if we tried to bring him some, it would be freezing by the time it got to him). It's 8 p.m. now. I hope he has taken advantage of the somewhat-plowed condition of the roads. I hope someone has come to take his place at work.

I can't begin to explain how lucky I feel that we have been relatively unharmed. papertigers is a big advocate of keeping one's monkey butt home, and I guess she's right. It's no time to be out. (That said, I just took a lot of pictures to send to my nine-months'-pregnant sister in CA, who begged for some.)

The trees are laden with snow. The cars that haven't been dug out look like young mountains. Snow has even clung to the upright bars on our balcony and the bricks on the outer walls. Every path feels vaguely tunnel-like. The snow is piled well up to one's knees and (on a short person like me) past them.

I feel the beginnings of a cold coming on, but I am fighting it with tea and medication. Mostly I just feel stuffy-headed, which could just be the dry air.

Meat Fare is coming tomorrow. We had bacon this morning! What a delightful thing for one of my last meat days!

You have asked for pictures of my pysanki, so here they are.

( Lots of pictures under the cut. )

I'm sitting here in the computer lab at work. My job is to "proctor" an exam, but in the 1:20-2:10 p.m. window, that means sitting in the computer lab alone, since all the students have finished the exam and either went home or are sitting in the student lounge. There is currently one student with me; she came in about 10 minutes ago to use the internet.

It seems to me that the winter flu season didn't happen, and instead we're getting a spring flu season. I've sent students home over the past two days. One of mine was in class today because she's on a visa, but she is fasting for Western Good Friday and she's got a fever. She's already worked on the material, so I let her sleep in class.

It interests me to note how one gets attached to one's students, not as though they were children, but more as though they were family members. Some of them are sweet, some annoying, some wise, but one feels a certain concern for their well-being regardless of their personalities or performance in class. I was surprised to find myself offering one of my feverish ones a cup of tea today.

I have had a bit of a headache today, but compared to most of my students I have it easy! This is going to be a big weekend of cleaning for me, and like most such weekends, I suspect it will pass too quickly. I like to have the house at its cleanest for Pascha; I get some kind of feeling that it's essential, even, to have things as clean as they can possibly be for the feast. I do the same to myself; if I have time, I generally take no fewer than three baths as part of my preparation for Nocturnes. If I have money, I buy new clothes. Naturally, with the annual gathering, much of that gets squandered in cooking for and feeding guests, providing egg hunts and little Easter egg baskets, etc., but it's good to have that clean start to the day.

To those of you celebrating this week, have a blessed Easter, and please pray for those of us who haven't arrived at the big day yet.

Last week was some kind of week. I always shock myself into Lent because it's much easier to cope if I'm hardest on myself at the beginning. It was a good, strong week, amazing really, but it ended with me being a lot hormonal and a little depressed. This week I'm letting up on myself a little, still following the Lenten discipline but being a little less hard on myself. So far, so good.

What works: Having a to-do list, concentrating on prayer, limiting access to novels to Sundays, cooking rather than buying vegan convenience foods, Presanctified Liturgy.

What isn't working as well: Keeping the cheerfulness I felt during the first week, motivating myself when I am exhausted, limiting sugar intake to dark chocolate only (soy milk really NEEDS to be sweetened), being strict enough on myself to get EVERYTHING done.

To an extent, I think I bit off a little too much at the beginning, but I guess that's what the beginning is for; after that, you know what your limits will be for the season, and know how much leeway to give yourself. papertigers is, as always, hypersupportive. She made dinner tonight, and even remembered not to use bacon grease. She has been great at not nagging me and letting me have the space for extra added prayer. I hope, in return, she sees some small improvements in the operation of daily life, in the way I treat her and others, and I hope I learn even more to show her the kinds of consideration she needs, rather than just the kinds I'm good at showing.

I went to a networking event tonight. It was highly successful. There may even be jobs as an outcome, if I am good and if I sell myself well. I am not good at selling myself. Still, I definitely need the work. Send me the prayers, good thoughts, etc.

Also, if anyone is local and wants to send used toys, clothes, shoes, or school supplies in good condition (for kids aged 5-17) to orphans and foster children in Belarus, please let me know. I will even come by and collect stuff from you, and maybe we can have a cup of tea and hang out for a bit.

Well, it's getting time for Lent again, and I've been working my brain to figure out what I need to do to get maximum spiritual benefit. I'll say this: it will be rewarding, but it won't be easy. The best thing about it is that this year I have my pysanki materials. I love making pysanki during Lent!

I'm hoping to wear my depression and anxiety down through activity, discipline, and caring for myself better than I have been. Wish me luck!

I'm bothered by people who decide that other people's way of doing things are wrong. And I do it too (hey, I'm doing it right now), but it really bugs me very deeply. It bugs me in myself maybe especially! This is a big struggle I've been going through and especially focusing on during Lent. A lot of people see Christians as this big judgmental thing. A lot of Christians are that kind of judgmental, including myself at times, but that's hardly Jesus's fault. Poor guy, he gets so twisted by the stuff we do. A lot of non-Christians are judgmental like that, too, to be fair, but they're less organized about it at times.

Ultimately, I believe in a loving God. I don't believe that he wants anyone - anyone - to fall through the cracks. I believe that he's big enough to keep everyone in his hand, and he does. So how can I look at other people and try to weigh their souls? Isn't that not my job? Isn't God merciful and loving? So can't I just let it go?

Why can't I sometimes? Why do I really look at others sometimes and think they are not just different, but completely wrong? Why can't I take care of my own actions and leave theirs alone? Sometimes it's very hard to do that. Even with strangers, if they're bugging me. The woman in the pool lane next to mine who splashes me.