... still here

I am feeling terribly, deeply frightened. Have to go to therapy tonight and bare my soul, and I'm no good at baring my soul. And I'm sure there will be tears, and a lot of emotions I'm never going to want to handle because they are so explosive.

So here I am in my office, feeling lost and afraid. I wish I had a job that engaged more of my mind so that I could throw myself into work for a few more hours and avoid the scared-and-alone.

In the end, I'd rather walk through life awake and aware - even if it does mean facing a lot of pain - than asleep. I'd rather know myself, inside and out. I'd rather be free than a prisoner, even to myself. But that doesn't make it easy or fun.

Silly things

I promised last night to post this, and only just remembered. Last night, papertigers and I had a long conversation (about 1 and a half hours), and at some point, I said: "Honey! I'm a lesbian cubed! As in, Lesbian x Lesbian x Lesbian = me!"

Yes, this is in fact part of a running joke. There is a reason our Pride t-shirts read "Extreme Lesbian."